The Mental Game
So much of what determines success is the mental game. Having the confidence and self-encouragement to get the job done, under whatever circumstances present themselves. It’s the same in business, sports, relationships….it’s all the same set of mental tools. I recently heard of a woman who picked up tennis as a 3.0/3.5-level player and won the state championship two years later, through primarily focusing on mental exercises and, to a lesser extent, on-court practice. Last week, I played a league tennis match against a focused opponent of lesser skill. In both sets, I was leading early (2-0 in the first, 4-1 in the second), but he managed to claw his way back in. I ultimately lost in a tie-breaker (6-3, 5-7, 10-7) and played decently, but couldn’t help but think it was the mental game that dictated my outcome (or lack thereof). I immediately thought of this Nike Golf commercial, with Early Woods’ narration. Tiger has incredible raw physical skill, but so do each of the other top 100 PGA golfers. What really separates Tiger from the pack is his mental game. Mike Donald lost the 1990 US Open to Hale Irwin on the 19th hole of a playoff when Irwin sank a miraculous 70-foot putt. Donald virtually disappeared from professional golf soon after, while Irwin became the dominant senior tour player. The mental game has as much, if not more, to do with winning and losing a match, a negotiation, a sale as the raw physical circumstances.
Nerds…the new black!!
Has anyone else noticed how fashionable its become to be a nerd? I first noticed this trend a year ago when I was dating a girl a few years younger who kept referring to herself and her friends as "nerds" and "dorks". Now, it’s all the rage, particularly in the tech world, where nerdiness often correlates with passion, creativity and vision. Talking about the latest website, gadget or innovation with a friend has become cool, not just for people in the industry, but for normal civilians too. Growing up, nerds and dorks were the ones who wore glasses, ran cross country and wore their backpack with both straps. Today, glasses are cool, marathons and triathlons are more popular than ever and everyone knows that two straps is much better for your back - not to mention the move from shoulder bags to backpacks in the business world. Notice a trend?
The Urban Dictionary has a bunch of entertaining definitions for nerd and cool nerd, but my favorite, likely written by someone of my generation who has reaped benefit from the new nerd paradigm (that would be a good title for a book), is:
the group of people who will most likely make a life changing invention
that will radically change the world. the computer was invented by a
nerd….jocks and
normal people have no claim to civilization except for being the hard
labor. nerds actually do the thinking….
“Is religion built upon lies?” Authors Harris and Sullivan engage in one of first online debates
Sam Harris, author of the bestseller The End of Faith and Andrew Sullivan, author of The Conservative Soul have been engaging in a sharp online debate since January 16 on the value of organized religion in today’s society. In what must be one of the most publicized online debates yet, Harris is defending his position that all religion is built on a pack of lies while Sullivan – a gay devout Catholic – is defending the virtues of religion, while distinguishing moderates from the more fundamentalist groups around the world. Personally, as someone who invests and divests from religion over time, I find this debate thrilling. I’m also intrigued by the rise in anti-religious writing and philosophy of late that these two ends of the spectrum represent. I find it very cool that they are using a website – Beliefnet – as the forum to showcase such a debate, allowing readers to follow and comment in real time. The internet is a perfect medium for such an exchange, but debating is one area that hasn’t gained much traction online. Might this be a new trend? With the 2008 election on the horizon, I can foresee Hillary and Barack battling head-to-head online a few months from now as the Democratic primaries draw near. I can’t wait.
NY Times launches video obits with Art Buchwald
"Hi, I’m Art Buchwald and I just died," the video opens. He was a beloved journalist specializing in satire who began his career at the Herald Tribune in Paris in the 1940s. Fittingly, to announce his death, the NY Times debuted a new product called video obits which gives individuals a chance to record their own obituaries before they die. In Buchwald’s video obit, he discusses his life, his writing and the unusual road to death, which took him in, and then out, of a hospice. He also mentions how he found that most people were still afraid to talk about death. I find it strange that with all the progress and advancement we’ve made as a society in practically every field of study, we still have difficulty facing the most unavoidable reality of all. Last month, I discussed death with my 86-year old grandmother and, although I was slightly uncomfortable raising the topic, it led to a nice, very real conversation that I’m happy we were able to have. So in addition to putting video technology to a new and valuable use, I think video obits may also help us face death in a more accepting light by opening the door to its discussion.
Professional mantra: make everyone around you look good
A friend and I were discussing this concept over the weekend. His boss had passed along this piece of advice to him, explaining that if those around you look good, then inevitably you also look good. It’s not the first time I’ve heard this, but for some reason, it struck a chord this time. As someone who is extremely attentive to detail to the point of being slightly anal, it’s much easier for me to find fault and criticize others’ work when I feel the product hasn’t reached its full potential. While it’s okay to have high expectations, it’s absolutely vital to be able to find positive aspects in your colleagues’ ideas and their work product. Finding the bright spots and exuding confidence in those around you is the single-best way to inspire and motivate. Ultimately, if those around you are inspired and motivated, they are more likely to do their best and this is the most powerful ingredient to achieving success as a team.
Racism in our country…how will it ever end?
Last weekend, some friends and I found ourselves at a party at the corner of Atlantic and Nostrand Avenues in a neighborhood of Brooklyn known as East New York. Anyone familiar with East New York knows that it’s one of the roughest neighborhoods of the city with some of the highest crime statistics. Of course the neighborhood is also predominately black. Leaving the party at around 1am, one member of our crew, in spite of my suggestion to call a car service, insisted on trying to hail a taxi in the street. Fifteen minutes into this ordeal, with nary a taxi in sight (taxis don’t shop for fares in East New York), she agreed to allow me to call a car.
As a result of these shenanigans, the six of us spent 25 minutes or so standing on the curb of Atlantic Ave in this very sketchy section of Brooklyn. There was undoubtedly some element of fear that I experienced standing on this street, as 20 or so black men and women passed us on foot. Don’t get me wrong…I do not, in any way, harbor any racist thoughts or feelings. Those who know me are aware that I have friends of all color, races and religions. As a travel hound, I also value cultures and crave experiences that are foreign to my own way of life. But on this evening, smack dab in the middle of a culture very foreign to me, I experienced a bit of fear and felt unclear about my willingness to explore it. Aware of this paradox, I turned to my friend Andy (an even more experienced traveler than me) and suggested that we visit the corner bar where most of the passers-by seemed to be congregating. Without much hesitation, he rejected the idea. When I questioned him on it, explaining the paradox above, he expressed that this was not an experience of interest to him; and I couldn’t completely blame him. I certainly wasn’t going to enter the bar alone.
For the past week, this experience has troubled me. Racism still exists in our country and until last week, I believed that I wanted to end it as much as anyone. But from my actions on Saturday night, I’m not sure I can still say this with a completely straight face. If we are less curious about the cultures in the next neighborhood than we are about the ones on the other side of the world, how will our country and people every fully integrate? In my opinion, much of it comes down to psychology. I can’t place the source, but I’ve learned in my studies that behavior is largely dictated by expectations that are communicated in a variety of subtle ways. Malcolm Gladwell speaks to some of this in his books The Tipping Point and Blink. If a white man shows fear when he enters a black neighborhood, black people who witness this will internalize it and begin to think there is a reason why this man should be frightened in their presence. Compounded many times over, this may lead to behaviors that would not have occurred without that judgment having been passed. On the contrary, if Andy and I had visited the corner bar and exhibited confidence and a friendly demeanor, without even acknowledging being the only Whites in the establishment, I’m fairly certain we would have received the same in return. Ultimately, much of it comes down to fear and our own abilities to conquer it. I’m reminded of a memorial I saw touring the Guguleto township outside Cape Town. Amy Bhiel, an American exchange student working as an anti-Apartheid activist, was stoned to death and cut up with knives because she was white, despite pleas from several locals in the community. It’s an awful story, but an illustrative one for the purpose of this article. Her leadership served as a beacon of courage and conviction for South Africa’s fight to overcome Apartheid. Later, during the Truth and Reconciliation Hearings, Amy’s parents chose not to press charges against their daughter’s killers, and instead bravely chose to subscribe to the broader cause and movement. One of Gandhi’s famous quotes is "be the change you want to see in the world." If we truly care about ending racism in our country, we should start by removing our own judgments and giving others the benefit of doubt and respect that we hope to receive in return.
As a follow up, this troubled me so much that a few nights later I dreamt I was dating a Kenyan woman, and was struggling to figure out how to integrate her into my white Jewish family. What gives?
Another Burn is dust…
Burning Man ended a week ago Monday. Without getting into details yet, this year was even better for me than 2005. It will take some time to fully digest what transpired and to hopefully, consolidate the experience into a message, lesson, learning. Nonetheless, Burning Man felt more like home and my camp-mates more like family. I expected the "wow factor" to be diminished the second time around and the experience to be somewhat less meaningful, so I was doubly pleased when I discovered this wasn’t the case. My photos probably tell the best story. Also, here is an aerial map of Black Rock City that helps give some idea of what Burning Man actually looks like. More to come on this…
Heading out to the desert - Hope and Fear: The Future
I’m spending the day preparing for my voyage to Black Rock City - home of the Burning Man Project. This year’s theme is Hope and Fear: The Future. I’m giddy with excitement to get out there. This will be my second year participating in the event. The sketch on the left is my vision for the layout of our 26-person camp - Camp Tramp - the centerpiece of which will be four trampolines. As the Burning Man website explains, "Trying to explain what Burning Man is to someone who has never been to
the event is a bit like trying to explain what a particular color looks
like to someone who is blind." I was moved by my experience in the desert last year and decided somewhat recently to return with a smaller cadre of friends in 2006. We combined our group with two others to form this camp. One of the best descriptions of Burning Man that I’ve come across was written in the 2006 summer newsletter by the event’s founder, Larry Harvey. "Our annual event in the desert is meant to provide an example of what can happen in a community when social interactions cease to be mediated by a marketplace." This description leaves a lot open to imagination and that is, in fact, the essence of Burning Man. Naturally, Answers.com also has good coverage of the event. Last year, I was inspired to write "The Piss Declaration" following the event and I thought it appropriate to post it again here:
“Giving the piss back…”
While riding through dusty Black Rock City, carved out of a desert in northwestern Nevada, I spotted a cluster of couches and lounge chairs set on shag carpet beneath straw tiki umbrellas carefully positioned looking out on the horizon. I parked my $20 bicycle turned gypsy chariot and joined a couple, who were already taking in the view. “We were wondering when you’d arrive…,” they explained. I introduced myself and before I sank into the couch, Chef Daddy arrived with bicycle turned full-service bar, apologetically offering, “…sorry I’m late….remind me who had the guava juice, the bloody marry, the daiquiri?” Now, beginning to sip my juice and take in the view, Chef Daddy’s son, Todd, pedaled up with trumpet in hand, freshly returned from performing at the Montreux Jazz Festival. While Chef Daddy prepared the last of the cocktails, Todd serenaded us in sweet ballads as we shared, expressed and celebrated life together as if we were old childhood friends.
The first few days of September, I took part in a social experiment of sorts, exposed to the extreme elements of Nevada’s Black Rock Desert with only the severely insufficient things I chose to pack. The harsh desert conditions had a way of reducing us all to our core - the foundation of our animal souls - and then forced us to work together to live, survive and celebrate. Out of this organism that we built, blossomed the most radical self-expression and creativity I have ever witnessed. Stranded in the desert with 37,000 strangers, we communicated, expressed and shared our lives with each other, each growing in our own individual, but connected, way from the experience. Out in the desert, everyone shares the same challenges; the desert serves as a great equalizer, breaking down the boundaries that separate us in our daily lives. With these boundaries reduced to outlines in the sand, a door seemed to open, allowing us to share ourselves with those all around.
The most essential rule of Burning Man is the law of giving. No currency is permitted and no bartering allowed. Rather, everyone is encouraged to give and by necessity, learn how to graciously receive. With giving comes kindness, and with kindness, compassion, warmth, support and harmony. This simple principle of giving, more than any other, dramatically changed the way the community functioned and interacted. With traditional barriers down; we all became approachable, talkative and friendly. The world of possibility opened for all to enter. Personally, void of everyday distractions, I was able to feel more acutely than I have in perhaps my entire life…sadness, happiness, loneliness and intense community. Left without the luxuries to which I’ve become accustomed – reduced to worrying about the acidity of my hands and feet on a daily basis – I reached a higher level of clarity. Reduced to your foundations and stranded in the desert, the importance and power of community becomes quickly apparent.
At the beginning of each new year, the Jewish people engage in Heshbon HaNefesh – an accounting of the soul – reflecting on our good and bad deeds over the past year. On Simchat Torah, which comes after the accounting has been taken and the books closed, we celebrate receiving the bible and with it, the life that we were given and chose to receive. Sitting beneath that straw tiki umbrella in the desert, rapping with an Israeli guy from Brooklyn, we couldn’t help but notice a few parallels and the auspicious time of year. Like the traditions of Rosh Hashanah and Simchat Torah, Burning Man provides a time for each participant to reflect on his/her life and reclaim it according to their own redefined rules and parameters and then celebrate it.
This year, I’ve chosen to recast my own life by modifying the way I interact with my co-investors on this journey. My Australian friends have an expression – taking the piss – which means giving someone a hard time, often employing intense sarcasm… something that I, and many of those around me, know all too well. One of the reasons I became so familiar with this expression is that in a warm, supportive and kind environment such as Burning Man, there is no room for people taking the piss. The few times during the week when someone was taking the piss (probably me), they would inevitably receive a comment from someone in the group, “why you taking the piss out of him?” (insert thick Australian/quasi-British accent). During my week in Black Rock City, I witnessed the power of support and encouragement; what it means to add to each other’s overall experience, not take away from or discount it. Never before had I appreciated the damaging and debilitating effects of competitive bickering, unnecessary sarcasm and talking each other down. I also never before understood how warm, fuzzy and uplifted one can feel when freed from the shackles of this limiting behavior.
With the Jewish New Year around the corner and the Gregorian New Year on the horizon, I challenge myself and all of us to free ourselves from harmful jabs, sarcastic criticisms and snide remarks that do nothing to help us grow and improve as individuals. While they are often only meant in jest, I believe the underlying effects are far more severe. Instead, let’s support, encourage and help each other reach new heights and grow in directions we never thought possible. Let’s pledge to give the piss back; the piss that we’ve all taken from each other over recent years.
New forms of communication also come at expense
It occurred to me this week, and not for the first time, that all the new mediums of communication enabled by advancements in technology come at a certain expense. Emailing, text messaging, and IMing all provide quick and easy ways to reach people, send a message or get a quick answer to a question, and they have the potential to grossly boost workplace productivity. On the flip-side, however, as we become more comfortable communicating through these new mediums and, at the same time, more habitual in our behavior, they can easily begin to replace the phone call or lunch meeting as they require a far smaller investment of time. In my own experience, feeling as comfortable writing as I do speaking (if not moreso), I have fallen into the trap of sending an email to express myself on important matters, when a phone call or face-to-face discussion would have been more appropriate. None of the new "non-human" methods of communication can convey tone, feeling or personal affect the way a voice or facial expression can. As we embrace new technologies and all the benefits they offer, its important to remember the positive qualities of human interaction that only hearing someone’s voice or seeing their face can achieve.
NYC Taxicab confessionals
Tonight, on my way home, I grabbed a taxi from the west village back to Brooklyn. About to emerge from the Battery Tunnel, I asked the driver to get in the far right lane, which is necessary to take the first exit and pick up the BQE East. Not surprisingly (for any frequent NYC taxi rider), he missed the turn-off and had to pull a multi-lane change in front of a cop in order to take the exit we needed. For a moment, I became upset and raised my voice, before realizing that the taxi driver had matters under control. Afterwards, feeling guilty about my behavior, I struck up a conversation with the driver - something I like to do anyway - that lasted the rest of the ride. It turns out this young man is in the U.S. studying graphic/multi-media video game programming. He is a Pakistani who grew up in Saudi Arabia and also lived in Sydney for four years. His father runs a business in Australia that offered a cushy life for him, but he chose to come to the U.S. to chart his own course. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy is running a hot videogame startup in a few years. Its a cliche, but one I still take for granted sometimes: it pays to treat everyone we encounter with the utmost dignity and respect, always trying to give the benefit of doubt….even when they screw up and make a wrong turn.